Summer is a time to break out of bitterness

19 05 2009

This is how I know I am becoming less bitter and thus better at life.

I used to get pissed off at 3 things in New York: rent-controlled apartments (that I can’t get my hands on), extremely hot guys with steady girlfriends (that I can’t get my hands on), and rich kids getting amazing internships (that I can’t get my hands on)

But lately I have been surprisingly immune to jealousy. The man and his family of 3 in that huge apartment in Chelsea paying only $500 a month does not bother me. And by the way this is not an urban myth.

Relationships are not difficult as long as I keep my insecurity and greed in check, which I admit are pretty hard to do in New York. But I try, I try very hard to

Summer is a great time to take risks, because you are happier and happier people are more successful at risk-taking. I am beginning to swerve into the territories of what I want out of life.





Obama’s Advice to 20-Somethings

17 05 2009

Barack Obama’s Commencement speech at Notre Dame’s 2009 Graduation Ceremony.

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Thank you, Father Jenkins for that generous introduction. You are doing an outstanding job as president of this fine institution, and your continued and courageous commitment to honest, thoughtful dialogue is an inspiration to us all.

Good afternoon Father Hesburgh, Notre Dame trustees, faculty, family, friends, and the class of 2009. I am honored to be here today, and grateful to all of you for allowing me to be part of your graduation.

I want to thank you for this honorary degree. I know it has not been without controversy. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but these honorary degrees are apparently pretty hard to come by. So far I’m only 1 for 2 as President. Father Hesburgh is 150 for 150. I guess that’s better. Father Ted, after the ceremony, maybe you can give me some pointers on how to boost my average.

I also want to congratulate the class of 2009 for all your accomplishments. And since this is Notre Dame, I mean both in the classroom and in the competitive arena. We all know about this university’s proud and storied football team, but I also hear that Notre Dame holds the largest outdoor 5-on-5 basketball tournament in the world – Bookstore Basketball.

Now this excites me. I want to congratulate the winners of this year’s tournament, a team by the name of “Hallelujah Holla Back.” Well done. Though I have to say, I am personally disappointed that the “Barack O’Ballers” didn’t pull it out. Next year, if you need a 6′2″ forward with a decent jumper, you know where I live.

Every one of you should be proud of what you have achieved at this institution. One hundred and sixty three classes of Notre Dame graduates have sat where you are today. Some were here during years that simply rolled into the next without much notice or fanfare – periods of relative peace and prosperity that required little by way of sacrifice or struggle.

You, however, are not getting off that easy. Your class has come of age at a moment of great consequence for our nation and the world – a rare inflection point in history where the size and scope of the challenges before us require that we remake our world to renew its promise; that we align our deepest values and commitments to the demands of a new age. It is a privilege and a responsibility afforded to few generations – and a task that you are now called to fulfill.

This is the generation that must find a path back to prosperity and decide how we respond to a global economy that left millions behind even before this crisis hit – an economy where greed and short-term thinking were too often rewarded at the expense of fairness, and diligence, and an honest day’s work.

We must decide how to save God’s creation from a changing climate that threatens to destroy it. We must seek peace at a time when there are those who will stop at nothing to do us harm, and when weapons in the hands of a few can destroy the many. And we must find a way to reconcile our ever-shrinking world with its ever-growing diversity – diversity of thought, of culture, and of belief.

In short, we must find a way to live together as one human family.

It is this last challenge that I’d like to talk about today. For the major threats we face in the 21st century – whether it’s global recession or violent extremism; the spread of nuclear weapons or pandemic disease – do not discriminate. They do not recognize borders. They do not see color. They do not target specific ethnic groups.

Moreover, no one person, or religion, or nation can meet these challenges alone. Our very survival has never required greater cooperation and understanding among all people from all places than at this moment in history.

Unfortunately, finding that common ground – recognizing that our fates are tied up, as Dr. King said, in a “single garment of destiny” – is not easy. Part of the problem, of course, lies in the imperfections of man – our selfishness, our pride, our stubbornness, our acquisitiveness, our insecurities, our egos; all the cruelties large and small that those of us in the Christian tradition understand to be rooted in original sin. We too often seek advantage over others. We cling to outworn prejudice and fear those who are unfamiliar. Too many of us view life only through the lens of immediate self-interest and crass materialism; in which the world is necessarily a zero-sum game. The strong too often dominate the weak, and too many of those with wealth and with power find all manner of justification for their own privilege in the face of poverty and injustice. And so, for all our technology and scientific advances, we see around the globe violence and want and strife that would seem sadly familiar to those in ancient times.

We know these things; and hopefully one of the benefits of the wonderful education you have received is that you have had time to consider these wrongs in the world, and grown determined, each in your own way, to right them. And yet, one of the vexing things for those of us interested in promoting greater understanding and cooperation among people is the discovery that even bringing together persons of good will, men and women of principle and purpose, can be difficult.

The soldier and the lawyer may both love this country with equal passion, and yet reach very different conclusions on the specific steps needed to protect us from harm. The gay activist and the evangelical pastor may both deplore the ravages of HIV/AIDS, but find themselves unable to bridge the cultural divide that might unite their efforts. Those who speak out against stem cell research may be rooted in admirable conviction about the sacredness of life, but so are the parents of a child with juvenile diabetes who are convinced that their son’s or daughter’s hardships can be relieved.

The question, then, is how do we work through these conflicts? Is it possible for us to join hands in common effort? As citizens of a vibrant and varied democracy, how do we engage in vigorous debate? How does each of us remain firm in our principles, and fight for what we consider right, without demonizing those with just as strongly held convictions on the other side?

Nowhere do these questions come up more powerfully than on the issue of abortion.

As I considered the controversy surrounding my visit here, I was reminded of an encounter I had during my Senate campaign, one that I describe in a book I wrote called The Audacity of Hope. A few days after I won the Democratic nomination, I received an email from a doctor who told me that while he voted for me in the primary, he had a serious concern that might prevent him from voting for me in the general election. He described himself as a Christian who was strongly pro-life, but that’s not what was preventing him from voting for me.

What bothered the doctor was an entry that my campaign staff had posted on my website – an entry that said I would fight “right-wing ideologues who want to take away a woman’s right to choose.” The doctor said that he had assumed I was a reasonable person, but that if I truly believed that every pro-life individual was simply an ideologue who wanted to inflict suffering on women, then I was not very reasonable. He wrote, “I do not ask at this point that you oppose abortion, only that you speak about this issue in fair-minded words.”

Fair-minded words.

After I read the doctor’s letter, I wrote back to him and thanked him. I didn’t change my position, but I did tell my staff to change the words on my website. And I said a prayer that night that I might extend the same presumption of good faith to others that the doctor had extended to me. Because when we do that – when we open our hearts and our minds to those who may not think like we do or believe what we do – that’s when we discover at least the possibility of common ground.

That’s when we begin to say, “Maybe we won’t agree on abortion, but we can still agree that this is a heart-wrenching decision for any woman to make, with both moral and spiritual dimensions.

So let’s work together to reduce the number of women seeking abortions by reducing unintended pregnancies, and making adoption more available, and providing care and support for women who do carry their child to term. Let’s honor the conscience of those who disagree with abortion, and draft a sensible conscience clause, and make sure that all of our health care policies are grounded in clear ethics and sound science, as well as respect for the equality of women.”

Understand – I do not suggest that the debate surrounding abortion can or should go away. No matter how much we may want to fudge it – indeed, while we know that the views of most Americans on the subject are complex and even contradictory – the fact is that at some level, the views of the two camps are irreconcilable. Each side will continue to make its case to the public with passion and conviction. But surely we can do so without reducing those with differing views to caricature.

Open hearts. Open minds. Fair-minded words.

It’s a way of life that has always been the Notre Dame tradition. Father Hesburgh has long spoken of this institution as both a lighthouse and a crossroads. The lighthouse that stands apart, shining with the wisdom of the Catholic tradition, while the crossroads is where “…differences of culture and religion and conviction can co-exist with friendship, civility, hospitality, and especially love.” And I want to join him and Father Jenkins in saying how inspired I am by the maturity and responsibility with which this class has approached the debate surrounding today’s ceremony.

This tradition of cooperation and understanding is one that I learned in my own life many years ago – also with the help of the Catholic Church.

I was not raised in a particularly religious household, but my mother instilled in me a sense of service and empathy that eventually led me to become a community organizer after I graduated college. A group of Catholic churches in Chicago helped fund an organization known as the Developing Communities Project, and we worked to lift up South Side neighborhoods that had been devastated when the local steel plant closed.

It was quite an eclectic crew. Catholic and Protestant churches. Jewish and African-American organizers. Working-class black and white and Hispanic residents. All of us with different experiences. All of us with different beliefs. But all of us learned to work side by side because all of us saw in these neighborhoods other human beings who needed our help – to find jobs and improve schools. We were bound together in the service of others.

And something else happened during the time I spent in those neighborhoods. Perhaps because the church folks I worked with were so welcoming and understanding; perhaps because they invited me to their services and sang with me from their hymnals; perhaps because I witnessed all of the good works their faith inspired them to perform, I found myself drawn – not just to work with the church, but to be in the church. It was through this service that I was brought to Christ.

At the time, Cardinal Joseph Bernardin was the Archbishop of Chicago. For those of you too young to have known him, he was a kind and good and wise man. A saintly man. I can still remember him speaking at one of the first organizing meetings I attended on the South Side. He stood as both a lighthouse and a crossroads – unafraid to speak his mind on moral issues ranging from poverty, AIDS, and abortion to the death penalty and nuclear war. And yet, he was congenial and gentle in his persuasion, always trying to bring people together; always trying to find common ground. Just before he died, a reporter asked Cardinal Bernardin about this approach to his ministry. And he said, “You can’t really get on with preaching the Gospel until you’ve touched minds and hearts.”

My heart and mind were touched by the words and deeds of the men and women I worked alongside with in Chicago. And I’d like to think that we touched the hearts and minds of the neighborhood families whose lives we helped change. For this, I believe, is our highest calling.

You are about to enter the next phase of your life at a time of great uncertainty. You will be called upon to help restore a free market that is also fair to all who are willing to work; to seek new sources of energy that can save our planet; to give future generations the same chance that you had to receive an extraordinary education. And whether as a person drawn to public service, or someone who simply insists on being an active citizen, you will be exposed to more opinions and ideas broadcast through more means of communications than have ever existed before. You will hear talking heads scream on cable, read blogs that claim definitive knowledge, and watch politicians pretend to know what they’re talking about. Occasionally, you may also have the great fortune of seeing important issues debated by well-intentioned, brilliant minds. In fact, I suspect that many of you will be among those bright stars.

In this world of competing claims about what is right and what is true, have confidence in the values with which you’ve been raised and educated. Be unafraid to speak your mind when those values are at stake. Hold firm to your faith and allow it to guide you on your journey. Stand as a lighthouse.

But remember too that the ultimate irony of faith is that it necessarily admits doubt. It is the belief in things not seen. It is beyond our capacity as human beings to know with certainty what God has planned for us or what He asks of us, and those of us who believe must trust that His wisdom is greater than our own.

This doubt should not push us away from our faith. But it should humble us. It should temper our passions, and cause us to be wary of self-righteousness. It should compel us to remain open, and curious, and eager to continue the moral and spiritual debate that began for so many of you within the walls of Notre Dame. And within our vast democracy, this doubt should remind us to persuade through reason, through an appeal whenever we can to universal rather than parochial principles, and most of all through an abiding example of good works, charity, kindness, and service that moves hearts and minds.

For if there is one law that we can be most certain of, it is the law that binds people of all faiths and no faith together. It is no coincidence that it exists in Christianity and Judaism; in Islam and Hinduism; in Buddhism and humanism. It is, of course, the Golden Rule – the call to treat one another as we wish to be treated. The call to love. To serve. To do what we can to make a difference in the lives of those with whom we share the same brief moment on this Earth.

So many of you at Notre Dame – by the last count, upwards of 80% — have lived this law of love through the service you’ve performed at schools and hospitals; international relief agencies and local charities. That is incredibly impressive, and a powerful testament to this institution. Now you must carry the tradition forward. Make it a way of life. Because when you serve, it doesn’t just improve your community, it makes you a part of your community. It breaks down walls. It fosters cooperation. And when that happens – when people set aside their differences to work in common effort toward a common good; when they struggle together, and sacrifice together, and learn from one another – all things are possible.

After all, I stand here today, as President and as an African-American, on the 55th anniversary of the day that the Supreme Court handed down the decision in Brown v. the Board of Education. Brown was of course the first major step in dismantling the “separate but equal” doctrine, but it would take a number of years and a nationwide movement to fully realize the dream of civil rights for all of God’s children. There were freedom rides and lunch counters and Billy clubs, and there was also a Civil Rights Commission appointed by President Eisenhower. It was the twelve resolutions recommended by this commission that would ultimately become law in the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

There were six members of the commission. It included five whites and one African-American; Democrats and Republicans; two Southern governors, the dean of a Southern law school, a Midwestern university president, and your own Father Ted Hesburgh, President of Notre Dame. They worked for two years, and at times, President Eisenhower had to intervene personally since no hotel or restaurant in the South would serve the black and white members of the commission together. Finally, when they reached an impasse in Louisiana, Father Ted flew them all to Notre Dame’s retreat in Land O’Lakes, Wisconsin, where they eventually overcame their differences and hammered out a final deal.

Years later, President Eisenhower asked Father Ted how on Earth he was able to broker an agreement between men of such different backgrounds and beliefs. And Father Ted simply said that during their first dinner in Wisconsin, they discovered that they were all fishermen. And so he quickly readied a boat for a twilight trip out on the lake. They fished, and they talked, and they changed the course of history.

I will not pretend that the challenges we face will be easy, or that the answers will come quickly, or that all our differences and divisions will fade happily away. Life is not that simple. It never has been.

But as you leave here today, remember the lessons of Cardinal Bernardin, of Father Hesburgh, of movements for change both large and small. Remember that each of us, endowed with the dignity possessed by all children of God, has the grace to recognize ourselves in one another; to understand that we all seek the same love of family and the same fulfillment of a life well-lived. Remember that in the end, we are all fishermen.

If nothing else, that knowledge should give us faith that through our collective labor, and God’s providence, and our willingness to shoulder each other’s burdens, America will continue on its precious journey towards that more perfect union. Congratulations on your graduation, may God Bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.





My love and hate relationship with my job

14 05 2009

I have a love and hate relationship with my job. Most of the days it’s hate but some days it’s love

The days I love my job are far and in between, but they are precious: the fleeting moment when the client tells me my graphs are sort of amazing, a successful meeting we thought might fail, or beating Mckinsey at a selection round.

Most of the days, though, I am spiteful: the inventor of powerpoint must be a total dick, my male co-workers have egos the size of the sun, too much numbers without a storyline, and all this money being spent… why are we doing this and who decided to pay me for all of this nonsense?

I have said how much I want out, how much I need an escape though I have no where to turn to.

But today I’m going to talk about love. Because last night, it was love.

Courtesy of my boss’s wallet I had a glass of the most wonderful red wine I have ever tasted.

It’s burgandy and purely classic.

But tasting expensive wine is not why I fell in love with my job last night. Not completely why.

I fell in love because my boss told me he wanted to contribute back to this world with all the success our small company has been able to achieve.

He wants to give back to the world with our knowledge base, not just building a house for habitat humanity but really taking advantage of what we have and others don’t have: consulting probono cases.

And he asked to look into it.

I smiled. I smiled because contributing back to the world is the reason why I want to quit this job.

And now my boss wants me to do exactly that, on the job.

I smiled because what an opportunity this is for me to be creative and thought-provoking. And I thought, “this could never happen at BCG or graduate school.”

I smiled because I have a boss who believes in diversity and supports Obama. And I thought, “this does not happen often in corporate.”

I am probably never going to be one of those people who say, “I Love My Job!” because I am never able to say “I love my life!” or “I love my parents!”  But life is never suppose to be simple, simply good or simply bad.

For me, things are always complicated.  But for now, I want to turn my hate into love, strive to be an agent of change.





Everybody is popular somewhere

29 04 2009

How do you tell your boss you hate your job and you are only doing this for the money, that is why you consistently avoid his phone calls?

Well, you don’t.

You tell him how much you love the job and the people.

When performance reviews arrive and your manager asks you if you are doing good, never tell him you are not. He is not interested in your well being, well, maybe he is. But even if he is, he can’t do anything about that because he is not THE boss, and the people who are actually bosses don’t want to hear that you are not doing okay. Unless you are the boss’s  favorite, but if you are , you wouldn’t be not doing great.

The point I’m trying to make is that everything is a popularity game. In order to stay on top, you have to feel chilled under crisis and remain bold and smart under fear. And guess what: this sense of ownership and confidence shouldn’t be forced out of a job, it should come out naturally if you are meant to take up that job. Perhaps you may not be so great at it in the beginning, but trust your intuition.

Everyone is meant to be great at something.  Find that thing and stick with it no matter how tough the times are.  You are meant to do a job and only there could your approval rating skyrocket.

Go find that thing. And if you don’t know, start trying.





Methodical Life-Changing Plan

14 04 2009

I have been confused for a long time on what I should do with my life.  It’s an existential crisis.  The past 5 or so posts I have written have all been obsessively about what I should do with myself and who I should be.  I also write about how I am freaking out because I don’t have answers and can’t seem to find them.

This has been extremely uncomfortable and disorienting, and scary.

Here’s what I have come up with on dealing with such gridlock situations in life:

While I can’t figure out what I want to do, I make as much money as I can because:

1. It sucks when I don’t know what to do, but it’ll suck even more if I am also broke. Money does not make things easier (or me happier) – believe me I’m here and I know. But money allows me to take hip hop classes, learn the guitar, buy annual membership to artsy fairs, and plan a trip to South America. They open my eyes and while I would much rather that money be happily earned, at least it’s earned.

2. The money gets me a career coach and a therapist. It is ironic that I make money from a career I don’t like then use that money to talk about not liking my career. But irony is life. My confusion about who I am and what to do with myself comes from emotional/psychological blockage being raised by a hyperventilating mother and an overbearing father, though I am told this is actually kind of normal. The career coach provides me action plans to shake things up, and the therapist explains why I can’t get myself to shake things up. This is all useless, but kind of necessary. It’s part of the process. Part of me think it’s just me being White but I’d like to believe it as a truly modern endeavor.

3. I will pay off my student loans. It’s a legal barrier that needs to be taken care of. I really hate loans (and people with old money).

But soon (maybe by the end of this year, I don’t know) if I still can’t figure out what I want to do I am just going to quit. Quitting totally makes sense because:

1. If I get promoted later with that 50% raise, it’ll make quitting that much harder; then I’m going to be truly stuck in this ever-lasting corporate climb because I’m going to start lying to myself that this is all how it’s suppose to bee (I could afford a house now!), just like that guy from Revolutionary Road.  Promotion is really the only reason why people get stuck and die sad. Quitting now makes sense.

2. I am legally free (of student debts). Knowing the worst that could happen to me is keep hitting zero and not spiraling into the negative is incredibly comforting. It’s sort of like buying options versus just stocks – I don’t buy options.

3. I have had money and have known the feeling of knowing I could have more – and I choose to give it up. This makes the perspective of “what-ifs” simple.

4. I have received advice on finding who I am from every alternative source possible: the parents, friends, shrinks, career advisers, corporate mentors, cab drivers, Jewish people, Chinese people, Black people, and my dear Grandmother. After exhausting every route except my own, I feel less guilty about ruining my “career” and going out there starting at zero – exploring the route on my own because I have listened and they don’t work.

After I quit anything is game, this is the part I have not figured out yet, but isn’t that the point.





Feeling Lost during Emerging Adulthood

10 04 2009

The thing about life is that someday we will all be dead.

Birth, no matter how significant, faces an inevitable fate all the same. This preface makes what we do matter. And people in their twenties matter the most.  Look at me: I have no partner to commit to, no child to feed, no parents with broken hips or mortgage to pay off.  I have nothing else aside from feeling incredibly self-indulgent and self-inflicting.  I matter because well, who else is going to matter?

Bloggers write about how it’s okay to be lost in your twenties. But “it’s okay” is hardly the phrase people in their twenties use to describe their state of mind, not the banker who believes he’s invincible, the hipster with an opinion on everything, or the entrepreneur dreaming of taking over the world.

It’s not okay that I’m lost, and I don’t think anyone growing up in today’s competitive education system would feel at all okay for not knowing what to do with their life. Not having an answer to a question, and not knowing where to search for an answer is like watching yourself getting a failing grade and not doing anything about it. It’s unacceptable.

Two years ago I met an incredibly hot Vice President from an investment bank during a recruiting session.  She has remarkably  puffed-over hairdo, gorgeous makeup, fitting Armani suit and the nicest personality. She use to be a competitive figure skater. Her Manhattan presence looked just awe-inspiring under the limelight of my Midwestern college.  I swore to my friend Chuck walking home in 3 inches of snow that one day, I am going to become her.

Two years later our banking industry collapsed in shame. Two years later I stopped talking about white privileges on a daily basis. Two years later we have our first African American President. Two years later Chuck the asshole sidekick of any emotionally unstable female is banging the hottest girl north of 80th street. None of these I would have EVER predicted the day I graduated college. But here we are, and I am the one who is lost.

Emerging adulthood is de-evolution. I feel less sure of myself than I did in college, less optimistic that I am going to change the world, more certain that maybe the world just changes on its own. In this era of hope, I wish I could embrace what I feel about this country on the inside too.

Being lost is not okay, no matter what others write. But there is really nothing I could do about that.





Bravery

31 03 2009

The world is a scary place; but this scary place is also a wonderful place because beauty is defined by the act of bravery, bravery conquering fear, thus making the world a better place.

And bravery is not valiant knights riding in shining armor into the sunset.  Bravery is not even standing up to the bully with the innocent cheering behind.  Bravery is not a show. If you are out there seeking applause then perhaps you are being fooled by cowardice instead.

Bravery is less glorious and more ambiguous to the eye.  Bravery is asserting your position clearly when it really counted, embracing a stance you find embarrassing but true, or speaking out about a message that is deprecating to your reputation but you have refused to go along with the manipulation.

Bravery is about protecting and lending voices to the weak at a time when pleasing the master is really all you wanted to do to feel secure and happy again.

Also, bravery is about the ability to really laugh with others at oneself through all the embarrassing blunders and imperfections.

Bravery is not to be confused with headstrong stupidity.  Headstrong stupidity seeks to assert one’s position in an untimely and unnecessary manner simply for the satisfaction of feeling brave.  Bravery is changing the world into a better place, respecting those who may not deserve any respect, and making sure that we don’t disappoint what we are really made of.

Bravery is empowering and it is infectious.

I am inspired everyday by the strong men and women in my lives, the famous and the nameless, they have shown the kind of bravery I aspire up to. I am inspired everyday to be a little bit better than I was yesterday.





Sick people

27 03 2009

Do not fly if you have a cold. Or else, this is what will happen: rapid changes in elevation will cause mucus within your nose to shoot through the eustachian tube into your middle ear, resulting in hearing loss lasting days. This is also why babies cry nonstop during flights.

Every time I get sick at work I receive positive encouragements from my boss: “feel better,” “don’t worry about the assignment,” “take a day off”, and “get some sleep.” It’s sweet and he sounds just like my mother. Employers understand everybody gets sick once in awhile. But getting sick has a bigger story behind just getting sick.

I was on a project with 5 people: we are all sort of new so we inevitably compete. 4 of us caught the flu and 1 person didn’t. Health was never a defining factor in performance but it was brownie points in a competition where we are all uniquely talented in different ways. It may just be luck, but the healthy guy proved that he took responsibility of his health and was strong enough to defend what the rest of us could not defend against. I was slightly in love with him for awhile because he looked so healthy among a group of sick people.

If you work long enough at a company you will notice that certain people consistently get sick while others consistently remain healthy.

Those who consistently get sick are also less predictable in personality and performance at work. This is because risk-taking people tend to get sick more often while risk-averse people tend to take better care of themselves. Staying healthy is a positive trait and people value that, because drinking enough water and eating a balanced meal are consistency exercises and consistency leads to promotion. Consistency also promotes trust; leaders are people others trust. So being sick all the time shows you cannot be a leader.

I am not consistent and I get sick all the time. While at the end of the day your intelligence, creativity and hard work make you who you are, consistency allows your intelligence, creativity and hard work to turn into measurable outcomes. So I try very hard to be consistent in all aspects of my life, including staying healthy; and I hate it, it takes away all the spontaneity and fun. But I guess that’s part of being an adult, oh being an adult.

I have worked with managers with multiple health problems: people who are erratic in health are also erratic in project management. These people freak out and I am always scared the world is going to collapse under their management. But they also tend to be witty and weird, and overall extremely fun to hang out with.

And I have worked with managers who are healthy/positive all-around: these people tend to be easy to work with because I know exactly what’s expected of me and there are less panic episodes during a project cycle. But I don’t laugh as much. Of course, they have got to be good at what they are doing; being consistently wrong is useless.

But the bottom line is if you are consistent you don’t have to be as smart as if you are inconsistent. If you are erratic you better be very intelligent in order to make up for the times you screw up. I wonder if there is a middle ground: someone who can be consistent but also fun? I use to think that’s not possible, but perhaps that’s why great leaders, those who are both consistent and fun, are rare and significant.

And then there is cramps. I cannot talk about being sick without talking about the plague and source of gender inequality. Although, calling cramps an illness is sexist in and of itself, perhaps.

We don’t talk about cramps but just go to a discussion forum on “cramps at work” and you will be amazed at how common this happens (and how bad the episodes can be) to well, 50% of our work force. This is why I think women are tough: we suck it up, we pop pills, we call in sick but we rarely talk openly about the discomfort to our fellow male coworkers.

I had a debate with a fellow girl about how women in Corporate America should receive 1 extra day off per month, a “cramp” day to level the playing field, kind of like maternity leaves – it’s only fair. The friend argues that this difference in treatment will push back feminism because we have fought hard to prove that women can do anything men can do – employees are already less likely to hire women, imagine what would happen to recruitment of women when the federal government passes a “Cramp Day Act”.

Does that make Cramp Day an affirmative action policy?

The guys I use to work with wonder why I am really quiet on some days, and I don’t tell them it’s because I have cramps and would really like to just go home, crawl into a ball and go to sleep. I was rejected from a job at the Federal Reserve because I had an especially bad episode of cramps during an interview and instead of allowing me to go home the Fed people forced me into an emergency room where I laid there for about 4 hours, paid $600 and went home (back when I didn’t have health insurance.) The Fed never called me back for a second interview because they didn’t know I was in pain because I had cramps, and that’s because I didn’t tell them I had cramps. So they decided to better not hire a girl who randomly collapses.

Then I met a mentor / co-worker and she changed my mind in talking about cramps at work. Her cramps are worse than mine and she is completely unabashed to talking about cramps to everyone she works with, not just whispers to us fellow female coworkers. She would announce the fact that today is her period day during morning meetings. She would talk in detail about her “contractions” to my male manager, completely oblivious to the horror in his eyes. She would proudly display the hot water she drinks and recount stories after stories of “this one time when the cramp got really bad.” And when other girls secretly tell her that they too have cramps, she would announce her sympathy to the world and make sure they skip meetings and not receive any amount of stress.

She was my mother in Corporate America.

And I love her for it. Talking about cramps is talking about being women. It’s kind of like talking about your culture if you are Korean, Black, or talking about going to Mecca if you are Muslim. Cramps are such big parts of our lives and we should not feel embarrassed to talk about this to our fellow friends from the other gender.

And for the rest of us sick people: consistency in drinking your water is hot, literarily hot.





How to become a citizen of the world

18 03 2009

I was raised in the early 90s, a time when every morning after our second period class, a obnoxiously loud speaker would come on and a squeaky womanly voice would scream that Chairman Mao wants us to conduct eye exercises for the glorification of the People’s Republic of China.

My dad is a card-carrying member of the Communist Party. Though, being a Communist in China those days is like being admitted into Boy Scouts, an honor for good boys who listen to their mama. When the immigration officer at the US embassy asked my dad if he is a card-carrying member of the Communist Party, my dad said “no” and that’s really how I was able to grow up in Texas after all.

For awhile when I was in high school an FBI agent followed my dad and asked him out to dinner in Burger King several times to “talk”. The talk was just routine inspections since we came from a region in China of 50% Muslims, but the real point here is you’d think the FBI would invite my dad to a nicer restaurant. One day the FBI agent called our house and my dad was away getting his gall bladder removed at the hospital. I told the FBI agent exactly that, and the agent never called us again.

The experience did affect my father. He started to suspect that our house was being watched and wire tapped. He started to tell me that I should stop discussing my radical liberal ideologies because they can all hear and they are going to get me in trouble. My dad also wanted me to swear that I won’t run off and become a spy no matter how enticing the money may seem, from either the US or from China. In turn, I began to believe that governments are not to be trusted, not only because governments lie, but also because your allegiance could change according to circumstances in life you cannot control, and governments are like egotistical men – they hate the uncommitted.

I was on track to become a proud citizen of China, then I moved to a country I absolutely hated but had to learn to live in. Somewhere in that process I fell in love with the complexities of my new country despite the country never completely accepting me back. For a long time I was not ready to accept the fact that I am really a citizen of nowhere, a citizen of everywhere. I am reluctant to accept because I believe identities are crucial. We must and should be able to define who we are despite ambiguities, for human beings are nothing without roots and cultures and a sense of where we belong. And history has shown repeatedly that those who really know themselves end up excelling in life.

Barack Obama inspired me because he was the first famous person anywhere who lived in a foreign land to openly talk about the complexities of that experience. He taught me that the end result of this radical struggle to define who you are is not to obtain a precise definition of who you are (you never will.) But rather, it is to obtain confidence in knowing what your values are, values deeply rooted in your cultures and your race that you should be incredibly proud to own up to. And soon, you will realize that these values so uniquely created by your culture really also exist in other cultures as well. Barack Obama is the President of the United Sates. But he is also a citizen of the world.

The values I have learned growing up in that tiny Chinese city surrounded by that large group of caring families forever defined who I am. I no longer have to feel genuine enough to claim to be a citizen of China, a resident of New York, a alumni from a great Public University to feel like I am being defined. I carry the values I have gathered with me everywhere I go, and those values, not my color or gender, define my identity.

I reject Miss Universe’s definition of “Citizen of the World.” Citizen of the world does not mean you feel like you belong everywhere. That is impossible and quite disorienting. To become a citizen of the world, you have to first understand what you have learned from your unique background and cultural upbringing, and next transfer your experiences into values you can share with others, anyone around the world.

And thus, I am a Chinese living in America and an Americanized Chinese – and just like Obama and others out there who share our values of respect and curiosity and freedom of expression – we are citizens of the world.





There is nothing wrong with having no goals in life.

16 03 2009

I have no goals in life, because I don’t know what they should be. And I’m not going to force myself to make up goals just so I could say I have some.

I did not declare a major until I was forced to do so second semester of my junior year in college and I’m still on this elusive quest today in search for the purpose of my life.

I am comfortable with not knowing; not knowing has taken me to places and fields I would have otherwise never gone to. And I suppose one day I will know what I want in life, and maybe that day will never come. Either way, I am content with exploring the possibilities for now. Wait, I’m actually not content at all. Oh well.

Everybody wants to know what I want to do with my life, because that defines who you are and people get uncomfortable when they can’t define you, because then they can’t act accordingly. Everyone from career counselors to bosses to mothers to guys I’m dating ask me, “where do you see yourself in five years?” And my answer is always, “I don’t know.” This answer instantly downgrades me, because it scares them. It scares them more than it scares me.

Books talk about the fact that you can’t succeed unless you have goals first or that you can’t be happy unless you know what makes you happy. Having a direction, an vision, or a dream have always been a key motivator to those who accomplish great things in life. But I disagree: I am going to make up dreams as dreams come along and decide on my path when cross roads meet my eyes. I am not going going to decide anytime before then.

So not having goals makes me sound like a lazy person with no ambition. And it supposedly also makes me depressed. In reality, however, not having goals is freeing. Responsibilities is not always a good thing. Having children is not always a good thing. Getting married is not always a good thing.

And that is fine. I do what I need to do today, and if I have time, I’ll think about what tomorrow entails.

My goal in life is to find out what my goal in life should be.