In the beginning of this year, I prayed that I would be able to finally like someone and feel excited to see someone, I secretly vowed that I wouldn’t care about the outcome, that I just wanted my boring life to have some spice.
Sure enough the gods answered my call and I started to like a boy, one who would not be able give me an outcome. So as quickly as the emotional flair attacked me from beyond, it ended, and I was left to feel cheated, lied to, and used.
And I collapsed. I started to wonder how I could possibly get this upset over a nothing, and how I could have fell dependent on someone (or some experience) that should not have defined me in the first place.
Then, it was as if I collapsed, overnight, with all my emotional love sucked out of me. I abandoned all my good habits in life, and felt scared, lonely and empty, especially during the weekends when I didn’t work. I cried once a day, and spent every free moment of my life glued to a television show, because I couldn’t bare sitting down and taking a hard look at my nonexistent, embarrassingly empty life.
Then, I found this, and a lot of my irrational fears and outbursts of tears clicked. The reason why I have been struggling to hard in life – having trouble forming relationships and staying happy, is all because I have been emotionally abused.
I am seeking help and trying to find a way to get over hating my parents. I am trying to remember and in turn, trying to put that behind me. There is a long road ahead of me but I am finally (!) growing up.
