If my happiness was the NASDAQ Index, it would be in recession.
Summer trip to Japan during college.
I’ve never had a boyfriend in college, but my friends made all the difference. I miss college because of them; back then I had little money and didn’t even look as good as I do now. But I was secure, as if the world was mine to conquer. And now I’m stuck in a job that makes me feel nothing. I’m not exactly miserable but can’t bring myself to feel good about it.
In an attempt to change, I became obsessed with reading books like the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Reading is reassuring, but only that. I also resorted to making lists of actionable steps to revamp life; here is a typical one:
1. Do yoga or hip hop at least 3 times a day 2. Send out 5 resumes per week
3. Save money on lunch, limit to $7 4. Study the GRE
Just looking at it makes me feel slightly better, as if I am improving the efficiency and quality of life in a measurable way – proof with data.
But in truth, my life is still fundamentally unsatisfying because I have no priorities – and it’s all because I have no real friends around. Instead of trying to lose some more weight or to buy another trendy item, I’m going to meet people. Meeting people is near-impossible post-college life. I don’t mesh well with work “friends,” I don’t belong to a church, I’m too pessimistic to believe in online dating or craigslist. Meeting great people now requires taking lots of risks and getting myself back up after experiencing bad encounters one after another. It’s like being optimistic despite getting disappointed to the point of being numb. Gosh, where do I find these people?
